Meta Warns Investors That Mark Zuckerberg Is So Good at Fighting He Might Die

The CEO of Meta may seem like a mild-mannered man. He’s soft-spoken, the corners of his mouth often turn upwards into something resembling a smile, and he’s polite. But it’s all a disguise – Mark Zuckerberg lives life on the edge. Meta even said in its latest annual report that its CEO could die because of his dangerous lifestyle.

“Mr. Zuckerberg and certain other members of management participate in various high-risk activities, such as combat sports, extreme sports, and recreational aviation, which carry the risk of serious injury and death,” said Meta in a recent 10-K. “If Mr. Zuckerberg were to become unavailable for any reason, there could be a material adverse impact on our operations.”

Did anyone else just get chills? The company is probably referring to Zuckerberg’s Brazilian jiu-jitsu passion, where he practices with UFC middleweight champion Israel Adesanya and podcast host Lex Fridman. People dying from mixed martial arts fights is incredibly rare, there are less than 20 recorded deaths from the sport. However, Meta is sending a clear message to anyone who steps in the ring with Zuck: Our CEO is willing to die in this cage.

“You hit hard, you’re serious,” said Adesanya about the Meta CEO’s fighting style. “I like it.”

Shortly after Meta warned that Zuckerberg could become “unavailable for any reason,” Meta’s stock went through the roof on Friday. The company added $200 billion to the company’s market capitalization in a single day, according to Bloomberg, which is the largest single-day value addition for any company ever.

Ted Cruz may want to take heed of Mr. Zuckerberg’s cutthroat attitude towards life after the Texas Senator consistently interrupted the Meta CEO during his Senate appearance Thursday. The exchange caused Zuckerberg to get visibly angry, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he muttered under his breath, “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

When he’s not slathering up ribs with Sweet Baby Ray’s or taking Lex Fridman to pound town, you can also find Zuck flying planes. Meta says its CEO practices “recreational aviation,” which could come in handy flying between the Bay Area and his Hawaiian compound where he raises cattle.

Meta’s mention of its CEO’s cutthroat lifestyle could have been a warning to Elon Musk, whom Zuck has been allegedly training for a cage match against for months now. Musk recently noted on Joe Rogan’s podcast that he’s still down, but we’ll have to check back in now that we know Meta’s CEO is hellbent on death.